So much on my mind. I need advice & people to talk to.

So I started my new job, as most of you know. Tonight I will start my first 10pm-3am shift. Shouldn’t be too hard. Problem is, I usually babysit Fintan & Coen on Mondays. Well, unfortunately that is going to be quite difficult on 4 hours of sleep. I had to lie to their mom today, because I didn’t want her to get mad at me. There is no way I can go over there tomorrow on 4 hours of sleep, so I told her that I’m sick. Two other reasons I can’t babysit tomorrow: I can’t drive that far on our tires & we have no gas. We’re broke right now from catching up on bills. That happens sometimes. But we’re waiting for Mom’s taxes because she has to get new tires. Our tires are terribly bald & making the car difficult to drive. I really need to quit babysitting for her, but I don’t know how to tell her. Can anyone give me advice? I’ve never had to quit babysitting before. I don’t want to let anyone down. 
Another thing. I’ve been letting myself down. I make these awesome plans to work out & eat so great, & then I ruin it! I don’t know why I have been like this lately. I have done so great since I’ve started this journey. 50 pounds is a big deal! But now I’m just lost & I’m not sure why. I’m not sure I can out of my first paycheck, but probably my 2nd I’m going to start going to the actual WW meetings. I know that will help. But can any of you help me until then? How do you get yourself back on track?
This is why I haven’t been on the past couple of days. I feel like I let all of you, plus my self down. I am so sorry. This is not me giving up whatsoever! This is my restarting. I know I can do this. I’ve come such a long way from 265 pounds. So far! This weekend, I bought some cheap stuff from Wal-Mart, Goodwill, & Family Dollar. I rearranged my bedroom & decorated it more. Change helps me a lot, so this really makes me want to get on this again & make sure I’m doing everything just like before. Anyway, I started a little wall with cork boards. One board is for pictures. Some of the others I will pin inspiration on. I bought two glass cups all Goodwill & some marbles. I started one jar for weight I have to lose & one for how much I lost. Each marble represents two pounds. Hopefully this will all help a little bit! I started feeling a little better, but I was sitting here looking down at my fat rolls & I got so sad! But…I do love my body. I do. I just want to be healthier. So seeing all of this extra weight makes me upset. I want to be healthy & happy. So I’m going to get back to trying to make myself happy & healthy.

Please, any tips for getting back on track & about the babysitting situation would be VERY much appreciated.
I am so sorry for letting you all down!

I love you!
I’m going to go take a little nap & then get ready for work.

xo
T